Friday, February 21, 2014
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
isn't anyone trying to find me, won't somebody come take me home
I've recently moved into the basement bedroom in my parents home. It's bittersweet for me. For over 10 years, this is where my brother lived. I have fond memories of making him learn guitar cords for songs I liked at the time and he would learn them so I could sing them. We practiced and even played a few songs for our parents thinking we were going to be the next White Stripes. It was obviously never going to go anywhere beyond the basement but it was something we shared and reminisce about often. I've always admired the dreamer that he is. He's always been the type to do what he wants because it makes him happy and not because its expected. I'm the opposite. I do things because I'm convinced it's what I'm "supposed" to do. My parents are probably the least pushy parents I've ever met. They never hovered over my option sheet when selecting high school courses, they gave me the money for University applications without as much as a glance at the school I applied to. If you didn't know them, you'd think they didn't care. They really do care but they're quick to say that I'm an adult and have to make my own choices. I've been treated as an adult since grade 9. There was no curfew, no required calls home to check in, no bedtime/bedroom restrictions. Nothing. You'd think that I'm probably a mad ass mother fucker right? Well no. I'm really not. In high school, I never stayed out past 11, I never went anywhere without telling someone, I never lied about where I was going (except once but I came clean about it the next day and my mom said she knew I was lying but trusted me enough to know I wasn't doing something wreckless). I never did drugs and I never got into any strange cars. My brother, raised the exact same way was the rebellious one. Except he wasn't rebellious, he just pushed the envelop of how far our parents would let him go. It's really weird how those things work out. We're raised the exact same, have similar values and morale but we're polar opposites in so many ways. In fact, I learned quickly in middle school to refrain from announcing that I was my brother's younger sister to teachers but was quick to announce it to peers because he had a reputation of being tough. Once high school rolled around I was so comfortable being just Lindsay, I never felt the need to point out the connection unless someone asked. In fact, I made it to my final year of high school and one teacher finally made the connection and he was in complete shock that we were related. He said something along the lines of "I've known you both for over 4 years each and I never once in my wildest dreams would have made that connection until I sat down with your report card and thought about your last name, and now it all makes sense". I took a quick poll among friends who didn't know my brother and asked them if they knew who that big mysterious guy who hung out with smokers and the bad asses was. All of them would nod and say they'd seen him around. Then I would ask if they knew we were siblings and I was met with "Are you serious?! You guys are SO different" "NO WAY!" "Y'all don't look anything alike!" And you know what, we don't look like twins but if you put us beside each other you'll quickly notice that we both resemble eachother because we both resemble our parents. He is a replica of my father in looks and thinks much like my mother whereas I look much like my mom and think like my father.
All this post was to say that, I miss my brother. I see him on a weekly basis but my house all of a sudden is quiet. I miss the days of banging on his door to turn off his death metal down so I could sleep. I miss the days of coming down to the basement and making him watch The O.C. with me. I miss the days when he would sucker me into giving him half my halloween candy or when he'd take me for dangerous rides in the wheelbarrow. All of these things happened and I was always so in the moment. Now that he has two (YES TWO!) kids, I cling to moments when he was just my carefree brother who wanted nothing more than to become a famous rock star and knew I was his biggest fan. Now he's working hard to make ends meet for his family and his dreamer days are long over. It's not like he's boring or even depressing but watching someone grow up so quickly is probably one of the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. Even as the months crawl closer to my University graduation, it hasn't sunk in that now I'm going to be part of the real world and that my parents basement is soon going to hold only fond memories. I can't believe how much we've both changed but when we're together we're still the same. I've always said this and I'll say it again. I thank god that I have a brother and only a brother. We are such a pair and I can't imagine having to share my brother with another sibling. He looks out for me like no one else and would have my back no matter what. He understand me and knows exactly what I go through.
For no particular reason did this come up but I'm proud of you, and I love you brother.
The very first song we ever rocked out to in our sibling band. He played guitar and I, well, I did my best Avril impression. Maybe I should keep practicing. We might just get our big break someday.
All this post was to say that, I miss my brother. I see him on a weekly basis but my house all of a sudden is quiet. I miss the days of banging on his door to turn off his death metal down so I could sleep. I miss the days of coming down to the basement and making him watch The O.C. with me. I miss the days when he would sucker me into giving him half my halloween candy or when he'd take me for dangerous rides in the wheelbarrow. All of these things happened and I was always so in the moment. Now that he has two (YES TWO!) kids, I cling to moments when he was just my carefree brother who wanted nothing more than to become a famous rock star and knew I was his biggest fan. Now he's working hard to make ends meet for his family and his dreamer days are long over. It's not like he's boring or even depressing but watching someone grow up so quickly is probably one of the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. Even as the months crawl closer to my University graduation, it hasn't sunk in that now I'm going to be part of the real world and that my parents basement is soon going to hold only fond memories. I can't believe how much we've both changed but when we're together we're still the same. I've always said this and I'll say it again. I thank god that I have a brother and only a brother. We are such a pair and I can't imagine having to share my brother with another sibling. He looks out for me like no one else and would have my back no matter what. He understand me and knows exactly what I go through.
For no particular reason did this come up but I'm proud of you, and I love you brother.
The very first song we ever rocked out to in our sibling band. He played guitar and I, well, I did my best Avril impression. Maybe I should keep practicing. We might just get our big break someday.
the wise men followed a star just like I follow my heart
Tonight in one of my final criminology classes I'll ever take we discussed language. This struck me as an interesting topic because it's clearly a tool that people use to their advantage everyday. Now I could cite some cliches or cheesy lines about the power of words but that's not at all what I want to talk about. I want to talk about specific colloquial language that really ticks me off.
"I'm not going to lie..." - People often use this sentence to segway into what they actually think. You know if I'm talking to you, I'd hope you WOULDN'T lie.
"Don't take this the wrong way/ No offense but.." - Under what circumstances are you ever NOT offended by a statement that starts like that? Why bother saying that? Skip a step and say what you think or don't say anything at all.
"Just Sayin'" - This is probably my most hated of the colloquialisms I hear amongst my friends and even myself up until I realized that it's just an extremely fake and lame way to validate stating your opinion. People say it as a scapegoat to protect themselves after they've said something offensive. I don't understand why we chose to have opinions if we're just going to hide in our own language.
Like I said, I'm probably the guiltiest of using these colloquialisms but I really try not to do it because I've always prided myself on saying what I think or not saying anything at all if it's going to be offensive.
I've talked about this before but I'm talking about it again because it's necessary. People who can generalize a genre of music. "Oh I HATE country" "I despise rap and R&B" "Dubstep isn't even a genre" "I hate anything that's Top40" - Seriously? When did we become such snobs when it came to music. It's turned into so much more than just the tunes you chose to unwind to, it's more about the image/label that we associate with certain genres. A couple of summers ago I found myself being a little offended when I said that I loved all music and didn't discriminate and one of the women in the office said "Yeah you probably listen to whatever is on the radio..." And I responded with "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing" and she rolled her eyes and said "Absolutely nothing is wrong with that it's just a little predictable, but don't worry honey, I'm not judging" UM clearly you are, and if you took the time to ask you'd know that I listen to MORE than what's on the Top 40. She made it sound as if my poor 19 year old brain was incapable of appreciating music that wasn't fed to me "from the man". I can appreciate finding new songs or straying from the path when discovering a great song but does that mean that turning on the radio and jamming to the newest Gaga or Britney song makes me a sellout? If that's the case than I'd rather sellout now than try to live up to some music snob facade. It's just ridiculous. Even with my friends I'm reluctant to give them my ipod to play at parties because you never know what song will play when you push shuffle and it'll be revealed that I'm a closeted Justin Bieber fan (it's come to that! A closeted fan because it's just not socially acceptable?). It's like I develop a paranoia about what they're gonna find on there and exposes something so personal. When people make fun of your music on your mp3, ipod or whatever you use to listen to music, it becomes so personal and you can't help but feel vulnerable. Why? Because besides judging eachother on the list of things we already do, we just HAD to add music to the party. I for one want to start to petition to stop that. We already hate on each other for being too fat, too skinny, too pale, too tanned. Do we really need another instrument for judgment?
And on that note, I give you:
And I don't care who knows.
"I'm not going to lie..." - People often use this sentence to segway into what they actually think. You know if I'm talking to you, I'd hope you WOULDN'T lie.
"Don't take this the wrong way/ No offense but.." - Under what circumstances are you ever NOT offended by a statement that starts like that? Why bother saying that? Skip a step and say what you think or don't say anything at all.
"Just Sayin'" - This is probably my most hated of the colloquialisms I hear amongst my friends and even myself up until I realized that it's just an extremely fake and lame way to validate stating your opinion. People say it as a scapegoat to protect themselves after they've said something offensive. I don't understand why we chose to have opinions if we're just going to hide in our own language.
Like I said, I'm probably the guiltiest of using these colloquialisms but I really try not to do it because I've always prided myself on saying what I think or not saying anything at all if it's going to be offensive.
I've talked about this before but I'm talking about it again because it's necessary. People who can generalize a genre of music. "Oh I HATE country" "I despise rap and R&B" "Dubstep isn't even a genre" "I hate anything that's Top40" - Seriously? When did we become such snobs when it came to music. It's turned into so much more than just the tunes you chose to unwind to, it's more about the image/label that we associate with certain genres. A couple of summers ago I found myself being a little offended when I said that I loved all music and didn't discriminate and one of the women in the office said "Yeah you probably listen to whatever is on the radio..." And I responded with "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing" and she rolled her eyes and said "Absolutely nothing is wrong with that it's just a little predictable, but don't worry honey, I'm not judging" UM clearly you are, and if you took the time to ask you'd know that I listen to MORE than what's on the Top 40. She made it sound as if my poor 19 year old brain was incapable of appreciating music that wasn't fed to me "from the man". I can appreciate finding new songs or straying from the path when discovering a great song but does that mean that turning on the radio and jamming to the newest Gaga or Britney song makes me a sellout? If that's the case than I'd rather sellout now than try to live up to some music snob facade. It's just ridiculous. Even with my friends I'm reluctant to give them my ipod to play at parties because you never know what song will play when you push shuffle and it'll be revealed that I'm a closeted Justin Bieber fan (it's come to that! A closeted fan because it's just not socially acceptable?). It's like I develop a paranoia about what they're gonna find on there and exposes something so personal. When people make fun of your music on your mp3, ipod or whatever you use to listen to music, it becomes so personal and you can't help but feel vulnerable. Why? Because besides judging eachother on the list of things we already do, we just HAD to add music to the party. I for one want to start to petition to stop that. We already hate on each other for being too fat, too skinny, too pale, too tanned. Do we really need another instrument for judgment?
And on that note, I give you:
And I don't care who knows.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
not the way that i do love you
less than a month until my vacation.
i couldn't be more excited to get away and have some fun.
i couldn't be more excited to get away and have some fun.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
and the world spins madly on
why is it that 3am always brings the best music (re)discoveries?
i'm not complaining, jamming in my pajamas never felt so good.
i'm not complaining, jamming in my pajamas never felt so good.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
maybe it's time for you to stop waiting
So here I am. Once again. Working my behind off just for you. It's ridiculous because it's 2:53am right now and I'm trying to finish all my work in one sitting, way ahead of the due date, out of my ordinary procrastination style...JUST so I can spend some extra time with you before you leave. Blessing in disguise?
No.
Maybe.
No.
In other news, once I get really into writing something, my ideas just start flowing. I love that about writing papers late at night (ahem! early morning) because there's no one awake, facebook is dead so there aren't any distractions, and most importantly you're in a different state of mind. I've done experiments with my work ethic and have concluded that I work best under pressure. If I do my work in advance, I put little to no heart into the actual work. If I'm under pressure, I'm quick to find exactly what it is I need to say. Every single university professor always says "don't leave this to the last minute, we can read right through your bullshit" but they really can't. Maybe I'm an exception.
Maybe I could do better.
Maybe I'm not that great of a student.
Maybe tomorrow I'll walk outside and get hit by a bus.
But you and I both know that if we lived by maybe's and what if's... well we wouldn't really be living now would we?
No.
Maybe.
No.
In other news, once I get really into writing something, my ideas just start flowing. I love that about writing papers late at night (ahem! early morning) because there's no one awake, facebook is dead so there aren't any distractions, and most importantly you're in a different state of mind. I've done experiments with my work ethic and have concluded that I work best under pressure. If I do my work in advance, I put little to no heart into the actual work. If I'm under pressure, I'm quick to find exactly what it is I need to say. Every single university professor always says "don't leave this to the last minute, we can read right through your bullshit" but they really can't. Maybe I'm an exception.
Maybe I could do better.
Maybe I'm not that great of a student.
Maybe tomorrow I'll walk outside and get hit by a bus.
But you and I both know that if we lived by maybe's and what if's... well we wouldn't really be living now would we?
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