I've recently moved into the basement bedroom in my parents home. It's bittersweet for me. For over 10 years, this is where my brother lived. I have fond memories of making him learn guitar cords for songs I liked at the time and he would learn them so I could sing them. We practiced and even played a few songs for our parents thinking we were going to be the next White Stripes. It was obviously never going to go anywhere beyond the basement but it was something we shared and reminisce about often. I've always admired the dreamer that he is. He's always been the type to do what he wants because it makes him happy and not because its expected. I'm the opposite. I do things because I'm convinced it's what I'm "supposed" to do. My parents are probably the least pushy parents I've ever met. They never hovered over my option sheet when selecting high school courses, they gave me the money for University applications without as much as a glance at the school I applied to. If you didn't know them, you'd think they didn't care. They really do care but they're quick to say that I'm an adult and have to make my own choices. I've been treated as an adult since grade 9. There was no curfew, no required calls home to check in, no bedtime/bedroom restrictions. Nothing. You'd think that I'm probably a mad ass mother fucker right? Well no. I'm really not. In high school, I never stayed out past 11, I never went anywhere without telling someone, I never lied about where I was going (except once but I came clean about it the next day and my mom said she knew I was lying but trusted me enough to know I wasn't doing something wreckless). I never did drugs and I never got into any strange cars. My brother, raised the exact same way was the rebellious one. Except he wasn't rebellious, he just pushed the envelop of how far our parents would let him go. It's really weird how those things work out. We're raised the exact same, have similar values and morale but we're polar opposites in so many ways. In fact, I learned quickly in middle school to refrain from announcing that I was my brother's younger sister to teachers but was quick to announce it to peers because he had a reputation of being tough. Once high school rolled around I was so comfortable being just Lindsay, I never felt the need to point out the connection unless someone asked. In fact, I made it to my final year of high school and one teacher finally made the connection and he was in complete shock that we were related. He said something along the lines of "I've known you both for over 4 years each and I never once in my wildest dreams would have made that connection until I sat down with your report card and thought about your last name, and now it all makes sense". I took a quick poll among friends who didn't know my brother and asked them if they knew who that big mysterious guy who hung out with smokers and the bad asses was. All of them would nod and say they'd seen him around. Then I would ask if they knew we were siblings and I was met with "Are you serious?! You guys are SO different" "NO WAY!" "Y'all don't look anything alike!" And you know what, we don't look like twins but if you put us beside each other you'll quickly notice that we both resemble eachother because we both resemble our parents. He is a replica of my father in looks and thinks much like my mother whereas I look much like my mom and think like my father.
All this post was to say that, I miss my brother. I see him on a weekly basis but my house all of a sudden is quiet. I miss the days of banging on his door to turn off his death metal down so I could sleep. I miss the days of coming down to the basement and making him watch The O.C. with me. I miss the days when he would sucker me into giving him half my halloween candy or when he'd take me for dangerous rides in the wheelbarrow. All of these things happened and I was always so in the moment. Now that he has two (YES TWO!) kids, I cling to moments when he was just my carefree brother who wanted nothing more than to become a famous rock star and knew I was his biggest fan. Now he's working hard to make ends meet for his family and his dreamer days are long over. It's not like he's boring or even depressing but watching someone grow up so quickly is probably one of the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. Even as the months crawl closer to my University graduation, it hasn't sunk in that now I'm going to be part of the real world and that my parents basement is soon going to hold only fond memories. I can't believe how much we've both changed but when we're together we're still the same. I've always said this and I'll say it again. I thank god that I have a brother and only a brother. We are such a pair and I can't imagine having to share my brother with another sibling. He looks out for me like no one else and would have my back no matter what. He understand me and knows exactly what I go through.
For no particular reason did this come up but I'm proud of you, and I love you brother.
The very first song we ever rocked out to in our sibling band. He played guitar and I, well, I did my best Avril impression. Maybe I should keep practicing. We might just get our big break someday.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
the wise men followed a star just like I follow my heart
Tonight in one of my final criminology classes I'll ever take we discussed language. This struck me as an interesting topic because it's clearly a tool that people use to their advantage everyday. Now I could cite some cliches or cheesy lines about the power of words but that's not at all what I want to talk about. I want to talk about specific colloquial language that really ticks me off.
"I'm not going to lie..." - People often use this sentence to segway into what they actually think. You know if I'm talking to you, I'd hope you WOULDN'T lie.
"Don't take this the wrong way/ No offense but.." - Under what circumstances are you ever NOT offended by a statement that starts like that? Why bother saying that? Skip a step and say what you think or don't say anything at all.
"Just Sayin'" - This is probably my most hated of the colloquialisms I hear amongst my friends and even myself up until I realized that it's just an extremely fake and lame way to validate stating your opinion. People say it as a scapegoat to protect themselves after they've said something offensive. I don't understand why we chose to have opinions if we're just going to hide in our own language.
Like I said, I'm probably the guiltiest of using these colloquialisms but I really try not to do it because I've always prided myself on saying what I think or not saying anything at all if it's going to be offensive.
I've talked about this before but I'm talking about it again because it's necessary. People who can generalize a genre of music. "Oh I HATE country" "I despise rap and R&B" "Dubstep isn't even a genre" "I hate anything that's Top40" - Seriously? When did we become such snobs when it came to music. It's turned into so much more than just the tunes you chose to unwind to, it's more about the image/label that we associate with certain genres. A couple of summers ago I found myself being a little offended when I said that I loved all music and didn't discriminate and one of the women in the office said "Yeah you probably listen to whatever is on the radio..." And I responded with "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing" and she rolled her eyes and said "Absolutely nothing is wrong with that it's just a little predictable, but don't worry honey, I'm not judging" UM clearly you are, and if you took the time to ask you'd know that I listen to MORE than what's on the Top 40. She made it sound as if my poor 19 year old brain was incapable of appreciating music that wasn't fed to me "from the man". I can appreciate finding new songs or straying from the path when discovering a great song but does that mean that turning on the radio and jamming to the newest Gaga or Britney song makes me a sellout? If that's the case than I'd rather sellout now than try to live up to some music snob facade. It's just ridiculous. Even with my friends I'm reluctant to give them my ipod to play at parties because you never know what song will play when you push shuffle and it'll be revealed that I'm a closeted Justin Bieber fan (it's come to that! A closeted fan because it's just not socially acceptable?). It's like I develop a paranoia about what they're gonna find on there and exposes something so personal. When people make fun of your music on your mp3, ipod or whatever you use to listen to music, it becomes so personal and you can't help but feel vulnerable. Why? Because besides judging eachother on the list of things we already do, we just HAD to add music to the party. I for one want to start to petition to stop that. We already hate on each other for being too fat, too skinny, too pale, too tanned. Do we really need another instrument for judgment?
And on that note, I give you:
And I don't care who knows.
"I'm not going to lie..." - People often use this sentence to segway into what they actually think. You know if I'm talking to you, I'd hope you WOULDN'T lie.
"Don't take this the wrong way/ No offense but.." - Under what circumstances are you ever NOT offended by a statement that starts like that? Why bother saying that? Skip a step and say what you think or don't say anything at all.
"Just Sayin'" - This is probably my most hated of the colloquialisms I hear amongst my friends and even myself up until I realized that it's just an extremely fake and lame way to validate stating your opinion. People say it as a scapegoat to protect themselves after they've said something offensive. I don't understand why we chose to have opinions if we're just going to hide in our own language.
Like I said, I'm probably the guiltiest of using these colloquialisms but I really try not to do it because I've always prided myself on saying what I think or not saying anything at all if it's going to be offensive.
I've talked about this before but I'm talking about it again because it's necessary. People who can generalize a genre of music. "Oh I HATE country" "I despise rap and R&B" "Dubstep isn't even a genre" "I hate anything that's Top40" - Seriously? When did we become such snobs when it came to music. It's turned into so much more than just the tunes you chose to unwind to, it's more about the image/label that we associate with certain genres. A couple of summers ago I found myself being a little offended when I said that I loved all music and didn't discriminate and one of the women in the office said "Yeah you probably listen to whatever is on the radio..." And I responded with "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing" and she rolled her eyes and said "Absolutely nothing is wrong with that it's just a little predictable, but don't worry honey, I'm not judging" UM clearly you are, and if you took the time to ask you'd know that I listen to MORE than what's on the Top 40. She made it sound as if my poor 19 year old brain was incapable of appreciating music that wasn't fed to me "from the man". I can appreciate finding new songs or straying from the path when discovering a great song but does that mean that turning on the radio and jamming to the newest Gaga or Britney song makes me a sellout? If that's the case than I'd rather sellout now than try to live up to some music snob facade. It's just ridiculous. Even with my friends I'm reluctant to give them my ipod to play at parties because you never know what song will play when you push shuffle and it'll be revealed that I'm a closeted Justin Bieber fan (it's come to that! A closeted fan because it's just not socially acceptable?). It's like I develop a paranoia about what they're gonna find on there and exposes something so personal. When people make fun of your music on your mp3, ipod or whatever you use to listen to music, it becomes so personal and you can't help but feel vulnerable. Why? Because besides judging eachother on the list of things we already do, we just HAD to add music to the party. I for one want to start to petition to stop that. We already hate on each other for being too fat, too skinny, too pale, too tanned. Do we really need another instrument for judgment?
And on that note, I give you:
And I don't care who knows.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
not the way that i do love you
less than a month until my vacation.
i couldn't be more excited to get away and have some fun.
i couldn't be more excited to get away and have some fun.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
and the world spins madly on
why is it that 3am always brings the best music (re)discoveries?
i'm not complaining, jamming in my pajamas never felt so good.
i'm not complaining, jamming in my pajamas never felt so good.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
maybe it's time for you to stop waiting
So here I am. Once again. Working my behind off just for you. It's ridiculous because it's 2:53am right now and I'm trying to finish all my work in one sitting, way ahead of the due date, out of my ordinary procrastination style...JUST so I can spend some extra time with you before you leave. Blessing in disguise?
No.
Maybe.
No.
In other news, once I get really into writing something, my ideas just start flowing. I love that about writing papers late at night (ahem! early morning) because there's no one awake, facebook is dead so there aren't any distractions, and most importantly you're in a different state of mind. I've done experiments with my work ethic and have concluded that I work best under pressure. If I do my work in advance, I put little to no heart into the actual work. If I'm under pressure, I'm quick to find exactly what it is I need to say. Every single university professor always says "don't leave this to the last minute, we can read right through your bullshit" but they really can't. Maybe I'm an exception.
Maybe I could do better.
Maybe I'm not that great of a student.
Maybe tomorrow I'll walk outside and get hit by a bus.
But you and I both know that if we lived by maybe's and what if's... well we wouldn't really be living now would we?
No.
Maybe.
No.
In other news, once I get really into writing something, my ideas just start flowing. I love that about writing papers late at night (ahem! early morning) because there's no one awake, facebook is dead so there aren't any distractions, and most importantly you're in a different state of mind. I've done experiments with my work ethic and have concluded that I work best under pressure. If I do my work in advance, I put little to no heart into the actual work. If I'm under pressure, I'm quick to find exactly what it is I need to say. Every single university professor always says "don't leave this to the last minute, we can read right through your bullshit" but they really can't. Maybe I'm an exception.
Maybe I could do better.
Maybe I'm not that great of a student.
Maybe tomorrow I'll walk outside and get hit by a bus.
But you and I both know that if we lived by maybe's and what if's... well we wouldn't really be living now would we?
Monday, January 3, 2011
and he treats your little girl like a real man should
Carrie Underwood is my hero. I love her voice and her southern charm.
This song is also so beautiful. The video is also really adorable because Mike Fisher is in it. This song makes me especially emotional. Songs about parents are usually the first to get me choked up. I find this song especially sweet because it's not often that you hear of the bond between mother and daughter and the step it is to be married. It's always about the father's letting their little girls go. I think for me, I'm close to both my parents so it'll be hard to let go for everyone.
Sigh. Now if I could just find me a keeper!
This song is also so beautiful. The video is also really adorable because Mike Fisher is in it. This song makes me especially emotional. Songs about parents are usually the first to get me choked up. I find this song especially sweet because it's not often that you hear of the bond between mother and daughter and the step it is to be married. It's always about the father's letting their little girls go. I think for me, I'm close to both my parents so it'll be hard to let go for everyone.
Sigh. Now if I could just find me a keeper!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
we laugh just a little too loud
I feel like if you're going to make a blog that isn't about your kids or your family, you should at least come up with something out of the box. Out of the box in terms of making it something that if you weren't you, you'd want to read. So for fun... I want to discuss my love of people and my love of talking. Why? Well, they're both really important who I am.
I am just one of those people who just loves to observe people. Maybe I stare a little too long. When I was a kid I was constantly being told off for staring at passers by and always trying to stick my nose in other people's business. I love knowing everything about people, no matter how significant or insignificant they are in my day to day life. This is often credited as a bad trait but I embrace it.
My mom comes from a small town where I know a few people in person but know all the gossip in town, even about people I will likely never meet. And for some reason I just love being in the loop. I'll have to steal a line from Carrie Bradshaw but I can't help but wonder if all people are like that but society frowns upon "gossip" and hearsay, that we pretend to have no interest. "I'm not getting involved" "It's none of my business" "I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you, but..." "You can't tell so and so I told you because I don't want to be involved.."- but in reality, I feel like more often than not we feel like we have the right to know everything. More often than not, I have friends tell me "I don't want to get involved" and then turn around and say "So I heard about so and so, but I didn't get the full scoop" expecting someone else (who's also trying to pretend they're impartial) to fill them in. I mean really, we're all guilty of gossip that I don't get why we don't embrace it and take it for what it is. Talk. People are always going to talk and as a wise lady once told me (okay it was Bonnie Raitt) why not give them something to talk about.
Talking is probably my favourite past time. I can talk to pretty much anyone about anything. I don't usually find it awkward and I'm the first to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I often talk a little too loud too. But regardless, if you need to know one thing about me, it's that I love to talk. I love to be heard but more importantly I love hearing what people have to say. I am one of those people who will ask every question in the book before I let an awkward pause go by. In fact I speak especially quickly to avoid awkward pauses and lulls in conversations. This isn't always to my advantage.
My grandparents are getting older and they ALL make the same comment whenever we speak "the older we get, the faster you speak and the less we understand you" I have to kick myself to remember to speak slowly and clearly. I mean if you think about it, grandparents have seen and heard a lot of things. The wealth of knowledge they share is priceless. The least I could do is speak slowly and repeat whatever it is I'm saying 10 times with patience. Old ears and tired minds aren't always ready to run a mile a minute. I think this is where our generation gap is most obvious. I always feel like I'm in a rush to be everywhere and no where all at once.
I could really take a lesson or two in stopping to catch my breath.
Excuse the raunchy 90's music video but it's the song of my childhood and it fits.
I am just one of those people who just loves to observe people. Maybe I stare a little too long. When I was a kid I was constantly being told off for staring at passers by and always trying to stick my nose in other people's business. I love knowing everything about people, no matter how significant or insignificant they are in my day to day life. This is often credited as a bad trait but I embrace it.
My mom comes from a small town where I know a few people in person but know all the gossip in town, even about people I will likely never meet. And for some reason I just love being in the loop. I'll have to steal a line from Carrie Bradshaw but I can't help but wonder if all people are like that but society frowns upon "gossip" and hearsay, that we pretend to have no interest. "I'm not getting involved" "It's none of my business" "I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you, but..." "You can't tell so and so I told you because I don't want to be involved.."- but in reality, I feel like more often than not we feel like we have the right to know everything. More often than not, I have friends tell me "I don't want to get involved" and then turn around and say "So I heard about so and so, but I didn't get the full scoop" expecting someone else (who's also trying to pretend they're impartial) to fill them in. I mean really, we're all guilty of gossip that I don't get why we don't embrace it and take it for what it is. Talk. People are always going to talk and as a wise lady once told me (okay it was Bonnie Raitt) why not give them something to talk about.
Talking is probably my favourite past time. I can talk to pretty much anyone about anything. I don't usually find it awkward and I'm the first to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I often talk a little too loud too. But regardless, if you need to know one thing about me, it's that I love to talk. I love to be heard but more importantly I love hearing what people have to say. I am one of those people who will ask every question in the book before I let an awkward pause go by. In fact I speak especially quickly to avoid awkward pauses and lulls in conversations. This isn't always to my advantage.
My grandparents are getting older and they ALL make the same comment whenever we speak "the older we get, the faster you speak and the less we understand you" I have to kick myself to remember to speak slowly and clearly. I mean if you think about it, grandparents have seen and heard a lot of things. The wealth of knowledge they share is priceless. The least I could do is speak slowly and repeat whatever it is I'm saying 10 times with patience. Old ears and tired minds aren't always ready to run a mile a minute. I think this is where our generation gap is most obvious. I always feel like I'm in a rush to be everywhere and no where all at once.
I could really take a lesson or two in stopping to catch my breath.
Excuse the raunchy 90's music video but it's the song of my childhood and it fits.
it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do
I don't remember creating this blog but I think it was kind of a blessing in disguise. Tonight I really just wanted to write down exactly how I was feeling. Then I had a 90's-sitcom style flash back to this brief period in middle school when I was determined that I was some kind of closeted genius author and insisted on writing in a notebook every night before bed. Well I found that notebook the other night and let's just say I won't be writing the next great American novel.
Nevertheless, I think it's kind of neat where my life has taken me. I'm no where near the road to becoming a famous writer. In fact, since the last (and only) post my life has actually started down a specific road. I started off my post secondary school studying for a Sociology degree at a school that had everything I wanted, except options. I'm the type of person that expects options. That's my inner diva coming out but I think it's important to know what you like. Anyway, I left that school for a number of reasons. I didn't like sociology, it was too broad and lacked direction. I also didn't like being in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of drunks kids. It was not my element. I started off fresh in 2009 with a new school and new degree. Criminology. Every time I mention to anyone that I'm in criminology I get all kinds of reactions:
"Wow! That sounds so cool! Are you going to be like the detectives on CSI?"
"So you're going to be a cop right?"
or the never failing "Do you get to go on field trips to morgues and crime scenes?"
So here is my explanation. Criminology is the study of the social aspects around the Criminal Justice System (CJS - I use this abbreviation a lot). The study can be about prisons, the justice system, young offenders, health care, mental illness, disease, intervention, community issues, etc. And to be completely honest I'm only skimming the surface. There are legitimate theories and various schools of thought and approaches to criminology. It's pretty interesting and I'm really loving it.
The standard question that follows that explanation is usually "So what kind of jobs does that lead to?"
Well, the options are pretty vast. Think of it this way, as long as there are people committing crimes there will always be a need for someone to work with them (i.e. probation officers, police officers, lawyers, public defenders, psychologists, prison guards, etc) and not only within crime, I will technically have earned a Bachelor of Social Science which is pretty darn cool if I don't say so myself.
Where am I going? Well hopefully I'll be able to weasel my way into teacher's college. Wait up. Criminology to teacher's college? Well see this is kind of where I might have created a bump in my own career path. I wanted to be a teacher from the beginning and was accepted into many programs for early childhood education. I chose not to pursue these programs because they seemed to be very specific and I worried at age 17 that I'd have a change of heart. Well I haven't really changed my mind but I suppose I appreciate that I have options. If all goes according to plan, this summer I'll work in my aunt's school and get some experience working with kids. Then somewhere down the road I hope to be able to work with at risk youth or become some kind of counselor.
Now that the formalities of discussing school are out of the way I feel like it's time to get to the nitty gritty that is the thoughts and crap that pops into my head.
Until next time...
Nevertheless, I think it's kind of neat where my life has taken me. I'm no where near the road to becoming a famous writer. In fact, since the last (and only) post my life has actually started down a specific road. I started off my post secondary school studying for a Sociology degree at a school that had everything I wanted, except options. I'm the type of person that expects options. That's my inner diva coming out but I think it's important to know what you like. Anyway, I left that school for a number of reasons. I didn't like sociology, it was too broad and lacked direction. I also didn't like being in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of drunks kids. It was not my element. I started off fresh in 2009 with a new school and new degree. Criminology. Every time I mention to anyone that I'm in criminology I get all kinds of reactions:
"Wow! That sounds so cool! Are you going to be like the detectives on CSI?"
"So you're going to be a cop right?"
or the never failing "Do you get to go on field trips to morgues and crime scenes?"
So here is my explanation. Criminology is the study of the social aspects around the Criminal Justice System (CJS - I use this abbreviation a lot). The study can be about prisons, the justice system, young offenders, health care, mental illness, disease, intervention, community issues, etc. And to be completely honest I'm only skimming the surface. There are legitimate theories and various schools of thought and approaches to criminology. It's pretty interesting and I'm really loving it.
The standard question that follows that explanation is usually "So what kind of jobs does that lead to?"
Well, the options are pretty vast. Think of it this way, as long as there are people committing crimes there will always be a need for someone to work with them (i.e. probation officers, police officers, lawyers, public defenders, psychologists, prison guards, etc) and not only within crime, I will technically have earned a Bachelor of Social Science which is pretty darn cool if I don't say so myself.
Where am I going? Well hopefully I'll be able to weasel my way into teacher's college. Wait up. Criminology to teacher's college? Well see this is kind of where I might have created a bump in my own career path. I wanted to be a teacher from the beginning and was accepted into many programs for early childhood education. I chose not to pursue these programs because they seemed to be very specific and I worried at age 17 that I'd have a change of heart. Well I haven't really changed my mind but I suppose I appreciate that I have options. If all goes according to plan, this summer I'll work in my aunt's school and get some experience working with kids. Then somewhere down the road I hope to be able to work with at risk youth or become some kind of counselor.
Now that the formalities of discussing school are out of the way I feel like it's time to get to the nitty gritty that is the thoughts and crap that pops into my head.
Until next time...
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